Do you have a feeling that something needs to change?

I took a nice long break from social media to focus on some personal things these past couple months. In that time I had a few conversations with people thinking about making big career and life transitions.

Having been through it myself, I know it can feel like one of the hardest things to even consider doing.

You're confronted with an inner sense/knowing/desire that something needs to change. That's followed very quickly by a strong fear of what that means: giving up job security, especially when the job market may not be so great, not being able to sustain your current lifestyle, not being able to support the things and people you currently do. There may be many things we don't want to give up, or worse, don't want to have to give up. They are very big things to ask of ourselves and ones we may be building a life with.

The fear that stopped me for four years

In my case that calling was very strong. There were things I wanted to do, like work for myself and "figure out" how to be an entrepreneur. Building a high-performing team and creating the sort of culture where people feel valued and can thrive. Having more freedom to notice and enjoy more of life, which was just passing me by with how busy I was.

I wanted to stop being stressed out and on call 24x7, and to sleep more than 3-4 hrs a night. I didn't want to answer to someone that was constantly yelling, micromanaging, and criticising me and my team with every move.

And most importantly, I wanted to do work that helped me feel alive, to solve problems that mattered, and have a bigger positive contribution in the community.

I'm a very risk-averse person, and I wasn't comfortable with big changes. So the fear and doubt came in like a tsunami. I questioned if I even had what it would take to succeed, having never run a business without the safety net offered by a job. I'd heard plenty about how first ventures usually fail, and most start-ups failing within the first few years. I was and operations guy and not a finance or sales guy. What did I know about marketing and making money for a company and bringing in sales to make it work?

You get bombarded with all this noise in your head, from your friends, family, and the outside world. It was most definitely a monumental task with all the odds against me.

The good news was that I'm certainly not the first person to want something like this, and you won't be either. It has been done before, and successfully, so it's not impossible.

Why the fear feels so big

What's happening here is that two internal systems, our subconscious mind and our nervous system, are working together to protect us, even from ourselves.

Our subconscious mind draws on our past experience to predict what's likely to happen next. When we're facing something we've never done, we have no data to go on, and it treats the unknown as a risk. That's what drives so much of our fearful thinking.

Our nervous system is constantly scanning our environment and the signals from our body for cues of safety or threat. When it senses uncertainty, it can show up physically too: a tight chest, a racing mind, trouble sleeping, a knot in the stomach.

Together they influence your thoughts and feelings to steer you away from the unknown. Their goal is to keep you safe and alive, not necessarily to make you happy.

So how do we move forward?

First, recognise and acknowledge the resistance. It's a very normal part of the process when taking on, or thinking about taking on, something new. You've not done it before, so naturally you'll approach things cautiously. That is a good thing. It should be leveraged to help you get prepared sufficiently, which in turn will make you feel less fearful.

Second, expand the data you have to make more informed decisions. You have access to limited data in your own head, so go out and do some research to find more. Have others done what you want to do? Was it easy or difficult for them? What did they experience along the way? That tells you if it's possible and helps you manage your expectations of what you'll experience as you take on this shift. Seek out and have conversations with someone who's been through it. That will save you a lot of guessing. Once you have a sense of what's to come, you can plan to deal with it as best you can.

Third, shift your attention to the practicalities. We live in a physical world that requires taking action to make things happen. We can't just live in our heads and dream all day long and expect anything will actually change. So start planning and work out what you need to do. Write it all down, and then figure out the right order to do things in.

Fourth, get clear on your finances. This is a big one for easing fear and insecurity. Review your current financial situation, prepare a budget, and work out how much your current lifestyle costs to sustain. Then work out a version with the bare minimum - if you had to give up luxuries and nice-to-haves, what would you need to live a low-cost lifestyle?

That process can be confronting, but it can also bring a big sense of relief. You'll often find that you don't need that much to live comfortably. And if you had to live lean for a while to make your money last longer while you get ready for your next thing, whether that's saving up or building a business, could you do it? Are you willing to to do it? Not necessarily straight away but at some point.

Next work out how much you need in savings to live on that low-cost budget for a year, or however long you think you'd need to do what you want to do.

That gives you a solid plan to inform your next steps. It's no longer a great big unknown you're stepping into. It's a carefully planned transition where you know what milestone you need to hit before you take steps forward. It tells you what's to come and what to expect along the way, to ensure you stay safe by managing your risks. And, at any point, you have the ability to hold, delay, or adjust your plans until you're comfortable enough to take the next step.

The concerns, worries, fears, and risks don't go away. You're just better armed to deal with them. Your confidence will grow as you start working to your plan and hitting your milestones. And you'll notice you're able to co-exist with those same fears while moving towards your higher calling.

How it played out for me

It took me about four years just to get to a point of being comfortable with pulling the plug and moving forward. It wasn't until I had the practical things in place, specifically enough money saved to survive without an income for a while, that I felt comfortable making what was the biggest decision of my life at the time.

I had saved up enough for a year to a year and a half. I ended up stretching that to four and a half years by cutting down basically all my expenditure except for a storage unit which housed all my furniture and possessions while I lived out of a spare room in my brother's house.

Mid way through that runway I gave myself, I found a part-time coaching training job. It was a bit ad hoc, but it gave me some income. After a year of working on defining my business I managed to get my first few sales. It wasn't much, but it was the first milestone I had to hit. The business idea was capable of bringing an income. There was demand, and people were willing to pay me for coaching. A year after that I signed up my first corporate client, who gave me 10 senior leaders to coach each month.

Today my business and finances are stable. That corporate client renewed my contract for a second year and increased the scope. And I've had a steady stream of private clients sign up for my coaching packages and programme. Nothing to write home about yet, but its progress and stability. Now I can focus on growth.

The fears and self-doubt were always there, especially in the first two years of starting out, when the finances were uncertain. Even so, the journey has been meaningful. I get to work with some smart and driven people, and I get to exercise my creativity in thinking of ways to better support my clients and expand my service offering. I have the freedom and space to breathe and just be me, without feeling like I'm being judged every second, or that I have to fit in. It's allowed me to grow both personally and professionally. Mostly. I'm happy that I get to earn a living doing what I love.

I'm grateful that I found the courage to take the leap of faith that I did, and that I focused on the practicalities which led me to creating something that provides value to people. There's still a long way to go with the business but we're on a steady path now, and that feels tremendously rewarding.

If you know something needs to change, but not sure what

A lot of people get stuck at the very start. They feel the pull to change, but don't yet know what they'd move towards.

That's exactly where my 12-week coaching programme, A Purposeful Life, starts. We'll reconnect you with what's important to you to find your internal compass, then see where leaning into that takes you, so you can design the life you want with intention and on your terms. We won't stop there. We'll also work through the everyday things that tend to distract you from pursuing what you truly want, and put systems in place so you stay on top of them and don't get derailed.

If you're facing a similar situation and unsure how to approach it, reach out for a conversation. Send me a message or visit aspirecoaching.nz and let's talk about where you're at.

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